Are You Referral Ready?

Dating and facet-to-face business meetings both require people to gradually reveal more about themselves over time. Whereas dating is often the preamble to romance, business meetings are the mechanism for building profitable referral relationships. The rules that apply to both are more universal than you might think.

The lifestyle section of the local paper recently ran a story called “The Second Date: More May Be On the Line Than the First.”

Which I found incredibly redundant because by definition, a second date requires an additional investment of time, energy, money, hope, curiosity, attraction, and other human dynamics. More is definitely on the line. Return on investment is far from certain.

According to the article, “While the first date is akin to kicking the tires of a sports coupe on a car lot, the second date is like taking your potential dream rig for a test drive.” In other words, the article suggests that we use a different strategy with each progressive encounter when it comes to dating. My question is this: Could we benefit from treating 1-2-1s the same way?

For instance, the article goes on to say that before the second date…”you should have some idea of what you have in common as well as where you differ in terms of family values, career and personal goals, and personality. As more information is revealed, a better decision can be made about whether another date is the way to go.”

THE CHALLENGE: What if you committed to going on six “dates”—doing six business meetings with the same person. What if you agreed up front to a different strategy for each date, at the end of which you had to make a decision whether to see that person again or walk away. And…this is the best part…what if each dating strategy was planned in advance, so all you had to do was show up and execute the strategy. Think “The Dating Game” in a referral context, minus the anxiety of actually planning the date.

Choose one potential referral partner and agree to try these six strategies in sequence. It might take a month or two or even three, but the chances of building a long-term relationship leading to referral romance would increase astronomically. At the very least, you will know so much more about that person and be in a much better position to both give and receive referrals. In other words…you have nothing to lose.

Business Meeting #1: GOLF. Learn the other person’s Goals, Outside interests, Lifestyle, and Family situation.  Write your information in advance, and ask your partner to do the same. When you meet, exchange GOLF profiles and base your discussion on the most interesting parts of each other’s background. Try to establish commonalities and build rapport.

Business Meeting #2: Discuss biographical information about yourself in advance, and ask your partner to do the same. Agree in advance what type of biographical information would be fun and appropriate to share. When you meet, exchange information and base your discussion on the most interesting parts of each other’s background. Continue to establish commonalities and build rapport.

Business Meeting #3: Think about what types of professions you would like to make strategic connections with, and ask your partner to do the same. Complete this list in advance. When you meet, exchange lists and talk about ways to facilitate introductions to your top three.

Business Meeting #4:  Take turns asking and answering questions that relate specifically to the types of clients you serve and how you serve them.  Think of this as a training session to help your partner think, see, and qualify prospects the way you do.  This might actually take several “dates”, but the effort is well worth it.

Business Meeting #5: Have a discussion with your partner about the last 10 or favorite kind of customers. Why were they favorites? What specifically made them so enjoyable to work with? If I asked your favorite customer why they valued your product or service, what would they say? What product or service did you provide them with? Where could I find more people like that for you to do business with? What would I say to them when I found them?

Business Meeting #6: This takes time, but sharing a master list of rolodex contacts is powerful, especially if you and your partner do this work in advance. Review each person’s list and talk specifically about how to facilitate introductions to people on the list. Unless your previous dates have gone well, this strategy is not likely to be effective. People will not be open about who they know unless they are comfortable with who you are as a person and as a business man or woman.

Completing these six dates might take a month or two or even three, but the chances of building a long-term relationship that leads to referral romance would increase exponentially.